


I want a radioactive satellite dish

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Bondage, Come Inflation, Crossdressing, Inferiority Complex, M/M, Orgy, Other, Spanking, Sugar Daddy, Xenophilia, i fuckign hate the word 'daddy' kms, this one is weird, why tf is it spelled 'come' it's cum jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 04:49:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6409468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...And I wanna get channels from space."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want a radioactive satellite dish

**Author's Note:**

> this was sort of a request from the EWN but in the end i have nobody to blame but myself

Somehow it started with a UFO.

It began when a UFO fell in Eduardo's backyard, filled with blue, humanoid aliens. They had purple tufts of hair and one yellow, rarely-blinking eye. As Edd had recently gotten 1,000 channels worth of satellite TV, Eduardo figured there was some sort of fancy technology on that ship. So as soon as the space-twats began exploring this strange new world he was in their mothership stealing their things.

Most of it was useless. Martian electronics, for the most part, didn't plug into human outlets, aside from the occasional plug converter in the various piles of space luggage. (What, were these bastards on vacation?)

He felt like an elementary schooler caught passing notes when he was discovered by the intergalactic bastards. However, more surprising was that they were... weirdly okay with a complete stranger in their...home? Car? Something like that. They offered him some purple jelly in a teacup, which tasted absolutely fucking disgusting. They were very conversational, and surprisingly spoke more English than Eduardo himself probably did.

"What brings you in here?" One of them asked.

"...Oh, I just wanted some cool tech for my roof. But uh, don't worry about it, I'll look somewhere else--"

"You mean like a sat-tee-lite dish?"

"...Yeah, like, exactly like a satellite dish."

"We have one."

He blinked. What could aliens possibly do with a satellite dish anyhow? Did they even get dish TV?

"...Can I have it?"

"On Neptune we trade goods and services. If you would like our things you'd ought to be willing to give something in return."

And that's how he found himself like this. One night, in a UFO, wearing booty shorts and stockings, bent over a control panel with Neptunians ogling his buns. One of them gently rubbed its fingers through his hair, tying some of his moptop off into a ribbon. "Lovely." It made a strange guttural noise.

"...Okay, c-can I have the--"

"What? No, not yet." 

Well, fuck. So much for this being easy. There were four of them, and they all looked exactly the goddamn same. They directed their rarely-blinking eyes at his backside, gazing at it with intrigue. "On Neptune we don't have two holes."

"...So, a cloaca."

They all laughed. Clearly this was simple anatomy back at their home.

"Some of them go inward. Others protrude outward. They fit together like lock and key to ensure breeding success."

"...You shit from your dick?" Another bout of laughter.

"We only feed on liquids, earthling." Another one fluffed up his hair. "Thus we do not produce solid excrement. Now stop delaying this. You want the sat-tee-lite dish, correct?" The other three spacebrains nodded in agreement.

"...I guess..."

"Why do you even need intergalactic television? Most of it isn't in English."

"Because I can."

Their eyes swiveled towards his waistband, pulling it down without any sort of grace or tact. Right, there was also the thong. Apparently promiscuous undergarments also exist in space.

His thought process was interrupted by a resounding smack and a burning sensation on his rear. Planets may change, but degenerates always stay the same. Perhaps they enjoyed the reaction he produced, as they decided to do it again. Squirming was useless, as they used a few red ribbons to tie him to a railing by the controls. (Ribbon? Seriously? These guys were weird.)

They mumbled amongst themselves before continuing to swat at his ass. The smacking noise seriously got on his nerves, but the actual pain got rid of any spunk he was carrying with him. There was no way in hell he'd be pulling out of this one unless he turned down the satellite, and... Well, 'second place' was not a place he would accept being in.

"Fuck, that hurts..."

"You'll enjoy it. We checked."

They... _checked?_ "The single eye has enough strength to see the intangible. Including your desires, earthling."

"Woah woah woah." He grunted as the closest alien once again smacked him. "I may be a lot of things, but I ain't no masochist."

"Humans are fragile. They would not put themselves through this to get nine-billion channels they cannot even understand." The next smack actually hurt. Fuck, were these bastards holding back until now? That one almost elicited a tear from his eye. "However, your ego is so backwards you both want to be appreciated and humiliated."

"My ego ain't backwards, buddy, I--"

One of them rose its foot, kicking Eduardo squarely on the left ass cheek. It rippled through his body and made him squeal into the metal panel. Despite his undying sense of superiority his body disagreed, sending blood to his crotch. The aliens mumbled amongst themselves, running off in their own separate directions. "Hey, don't leave me here without my pants on!" There was no reply.

Each one returned holding a different object. At that point it became a guess as to which one was the worst, and he decidedly went with the goddamn electric animal whip. What the fuck kind of aliens were these?! He held his ground, for sure. He held it like a real man. But his grip receded and he didn't hold strong enough. Within the hour he was in tears, forced to be reminded that cheap mascara was part of the ordeal.

"He's leaning forwards. A signal of human weakness."

"He's beginning to bleed. We've been treating him like an animal in socks."

"He's started to bruise. He won't be able to sit for quite some time."

"We'd ought to treat him like someone worthy of our time."

The four of them nodded in unison, then pushing one of them forward. "You're the only outward in this group. We're just voyeurs, so give us a show." The other three sat down in a semicircle around alien and human, looking on with intrigue. The one standing pulled down its frontside zipper, crawling from a translucent bodysuit. An odd sheath between its legs revealed to be inside-out, as it unfolded into an abnormal organ, shaded a slightly darker blue than its skin.

"Clean, naturally lubricating." It was pressing to his ass. Right to his goddamn ass. This was fucking insane, and the worst part was that Eduardo was... kind of into it. The alien leaned to his ear, whispering in an otherworldly voice. (Quite literally.) "You know what to say."

"Please."

"Louder."

_"Come on, please."_

"Is that all?" There was a tingling in the area where he and the other touched skin. Christ, this was starting to become unbearable. He was tugged upwards by the ponytail they tied off, staring at the alien upside-down.

"Fucking take me." He was almost giddy. He should've had more shame, he really should have. He needed to go one step further, just so this would be as rough as possible, just so it'd know he wasn't a lightweight. Even a bottom has standards. "...Master?"

The creature grinned. Somehow Eduardo was beginning to regret his choice of words.

"You earthlings are dirty."

It was a sudden, one-way entrance. Not painful, more just...strange. Clearly this thing wasn't built for the human body, as it barely rubbed the proper areas until the alien figured out where those areas were. But somehow the pleasure was practically killing him. He spat profanities and sexual words and pleaded for more, harder, faster. He was dead and gone to heaven.

The Neptunian emptied its load inside of him. It was a large one, too. Large enough to create a small curve in his guts and and leak out like some kind of perverse waterfall. He was untied, and had his clothes - as well as a massive satellite - slid towards him. 

"He was a good one. A fat one, but a good one."

Eduardo said nothing. After all, he did it for the satellite dish, obviously.

**Author's Note:**

> why did you read the WHOLE THING


End file.
